by Cary Farrell July 22, 2019 Reason #4: Someone special gave this to me. If you have been reading the previous month’s articles on the four most common reasons people feel the need to keep things, you realize that guilt plays a big part in all four reasons. Whether it is guilt about keeping things “just in case” you might need them, or feeling that everything deserves a chance to be something or the guilt of contributing to the landfill, we give a lot of guilt power to stuff! Reason #4, “ someone gave this to me” holds the greatest amount of guilt. This reason not only produces guilt but also fear! We are afraid the giver will find out we gave the item away which might look like we don’t like them or appreciate their gift. This fear and guilt turns what should be a blessing into a burden! We need to stop and think about what a gift is meant to be and sometimes the best way to define a word is by stating what it isn’t. A gift is not a bribe nor should it come with an expectation from the recipient or with strings attached. A gift should be a blessing given with love and appreciation and freedom so that there is no guilt on the recipients part if the gift is not a blessing to them or if over time it is no longer needed or useful. Most of my clients young and old alike struggle with the decision to let go of a gift. Panic, guilt, embarrassment, fear, and frustration all appear on their faces when we come to an item that was given as a gift. They immediately say, “ so and so gave this to me.” Then I ask how they feel about the item. If the item didn’t make the treasure pile they usually don’t like the item but I give them a chance to tell me why they don’t like it or needed. Sometimes they have just outgrown it or it has been around so long it has lost its excitement. Sometimes they never liked the item in the first place but simply kept it out of obligation to the giver. The next question then is how can we best honor the giver without the burden of keeping the item? If a gift is meant to be a blessing and it is no longer blessing you, then can the gift continue being a blessing by passing it on to someone else who needs or wants it? Or could the item be sold on Craig’s list, Ebay or a consignment shop and the money used to purchase something you do need or want? Either of these ideas is better than letting the item take up prime real estate in your home causing you to feel frustration every time you look at it. You might not be able to change the “givers” in your life but you can become a better giver by realizing that your goal in giving a gift is to bless the recipient. Some of us like to receive even the smallest item and we can easily be pleased. Some of us prefer a practical item that we need. While still others of us prefer a gift of service or time. Take on the challenge to study your recipients to be sure that you are giving them a gift that will feel like a blessing to them and then give it without any expectations or strings attached so they are free to enjoy the blessing and then pass it on. In light of being a good gift giver, be wise in buying sale items ahead to give as gifts. These sale items seem like a good deal at the time of purchase but if you don’t have a recipient in mind that you are very certain would see the item as a blessing it can become clutter in your home taking up your valuable closet space getting more dated by the year. Then that “good deal” becomes a donation to charity. Buying ahead is fine but do so with a list of recipients to be sure you are getting “good deals” that will be blessings. Don’t be an obligatory gift giver that says, “it’s the thought that counts.” And don’t give gifts that become burdens. Learn to see the gifts you give and receive as blessings. Be grateful to the giver but don’t feel the need to keep their gift out of obligation or guilt. See the gift as a blessing to pass on to bless someone who needs or wants the item. Enjoy this Holiday season giving blessings and passing on any “blessings” that you don’t need or want.